#MomentsNotThings

The unrestrained laughter of my child. The safety and warmth of my loves embrace. Feeling the rain kiss my skin. Breaking bread with tribe. Honest talks by the fire under a blanket of stars. A favorite song that reminds me of you. Random dance breaks. That understood glance between souls that says "I see you", without even saying a word.

Every magical moment where time is escaped through beauty and connection, where passion proceeds logic, where love overcomes all fear.

Let me truly live in those moments and let me give them in return.

R. Cloutier : 2023 Photo: Valeriia Miller

Haiku inspired by a frigid February day

Step outside for sun

Mother Nature slaps my face

Back inside I go

Life essentials...

Life. It is delicate and complicated and amazing. In the blink of an eye it can end or change or begin all over again.

Am I making this moment count? Am I telling the ones I cherish what beats in my heart and all the greatness I see in their heart, too? Am I making a beautiful mess, really reaching into myself, into this life? Am I honoring who I truly am while respecting and encouraging every other individual-being at their core? Am I giving and serving, and receiving, experiencing and discovering with love-light burning brighter than a thousand suns? Am I leaning into the raw feelings and digging deeper, even when I want to recoil into an old comfortable space? Am I sharing and teaching and learning and growing? Am I pausing and reflecting and stopping, standing still and breathing it all in, observing and expanding, and then breathing it all in again with new air and new eyes and a new heart?

As I look inward and ask myself these questions, I am reminded to fully answer life's call. I am reminded to always choose love over fear.

I am

I am the poet and the poem
at the same time
I am the paper unfolding
and the ink as it dries
I am the question posed
and I am the answer
I am the story written
and the words flow forever

Poem and photo by Renée

one

Open eyes

heart

mind

To see

feel

be

Power of we

Love of one

Soul inflamed

open

untamed

Let it burn

white hot light

Expand and embrace

all as one race

and abolish the trace

of fear

(Your Kiss)

When you kiss me like that

Taking my face in your hands

Taking control

Taking my breath away

Breathing yourself into me

It stays with me

For days

Like a secret

A stamp in time

A smile on my heart

When you kiss me like that

It makes me feel like a woman

Who's never been kissed

Before being kissed by you

:: photo credit www.shannonkathleenphotography.com

A Love Affair

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”    ― Gautama Buddha

Ahhh. What wonderful words. What wonderful, wonderful, wonderful words that I finally – FINALLY – have come to understand.

And it is time. Time to begin a love affair with myself.   (ha-ha, pervs. Not THAT kind of ‘time’ with myself. Wait… oh, yea... you're pretty much right, but that's not where I am going with this. *wink)

It has occurred to me, with crystal clarity, that I am lucky enough to get to choose what I want in this life. What I want. Who I want to be. What to stand for, where to live, how to work and serve and give. Who to learn from and who to teach. When to dance or cry or sing. How to play and create… every little thing and every big thing… if I can dream it… well, you know the rest.

This is your life. You can do and be and see and feel and experience! Fall down and get up as many times as you like! When you focus on the greater possibilities in creating your own reality, you end up raising the bar higher. And higher. And higher and higher. You then find yourself simply rising up to meet that bar… and in meeting that bar, you end up meeting… well… YOU.

The authentic you that’s besties with God and plays ball with the Angels. Your highest form, spiritual-embodied, light-being you. Unafraid and filled with joy, no matter the set-back or perceived success. The you that takes time for as much play as work and that cries without apologizing for doing so. The you that finds as much gratitude in 

paying a bill and putting food on the table, as in the love of your child or friend, the movement of a cloud or the brush of the winds. The you that just does it, just goes for it, just lives with unwavering trust, passion and purpose. And once you’ve met your best self, together, you continue to meet that high bar.

Really? How did I get here? Could it really be that easy? Ok. So, yea. Not every step was smooth. You had to work. You had to do some hard work. There were some mechanical failures, but you pit-stopped, fueled up, hit the road and made it to the greater destination… which only lead to another greater destination, and another, and another…

Our own unique journey, filled with decisions and actions that we all get to make in creating ourselves and our lives. If you’ve never really thought about this and take the time to do so… moving into a deeper space of “feeling” it’s truth can be pretty damn empowering. And kinda like Christmas morning. Every morning.

I vow to remember this, to close my eyes and breath into that ‘feeling’ space… Even on my days of struggle, I can still remember. The Soul does not forget. I will come back to my highest level, most kick-ass self. I will embrace myself, love myself and continue creating. I will continue creating myself and a life more than deserving of my love and affection. 

Won’t you join me? xo

Exploring Vulnerability and Worth

Woke to tears this morning. Tears of release. Tears of realization.

I am twisting in a tight cocoon after getting a glimpse in life’s mirror. You know the one? The one where “another’s actions” (ie. life) serve as nothing more than a mirror, holding up your fears, saying “Hey! Look! Look at me! Look at YOU”. This is not about any other person. This is not what someone did to me or said to me or didn’t do or say to me. This is about my own ill placed terrors.

I am vulnerable… and here’s the kicker. I want to be vulnerable. This “wanting” to be vulnerable is a very new concept for me. It was only four short months ago when I associated vulnerability with “weakness”. Very quickly, as life and shift happened, I was amazed to learn a whole new concept on vulnerability. Boy, had I been mistaken. Being vulnerable actually showed great strength and will, as well as compassion and open-heartedness. Pretty cool. The best of both worlds and balance to boot.

This morning’s pang of painful understanding was another step in embracing my vulnerability. I’m learning, for me, this means that I am willing to love wholeheartedly, regardless of risk. 'Cause really, there are no guarantees in life and love and I’m not the kind of gal who chooses to tame her wild heart and sacrifice the amazing fire life can bring. To allow that fire and magic and limitless possibility into my life, personally and professionally, I am going to have to experience these pains.

I asked myself "Why is this vulnerability so painful right now? What is really going on here? What does this mean?” I expected my soul to answer. No bullshit from my ego. No victimized response from my logical mind. I needed a straight-up truth that would bring me to the heart of this matter.

The answer was simple. (Or, not so much.)

Fear. The deep and engrained kind. This girl is painfully afraid. Afraid, not only of my new vulnerability, but afraid of not being worthy of it’s rewards. Worthy of a new and spectacular balance in life. Worthy of a good man, of great love, of unlimited joy, of success, of freedom, of abundance, of the real ‘me’… and I know (thank God) that in order to release fear, I must first leeeeaaaannnn into the discomfort it presents. I must know the fear(s) in order to understand, let go, learn, and move forward onto that glittering path.

And with that, it’s decided… I best get to leanin’.

I am finding myself truly open for the first time in longer than I can recall. I am really, really sitting-listening-thinking-feeling in the uncomfortable spaces that come with it. The chrysalis. I’m diving into the depths, without realizing where they go or what I’ll find. Let me just say… Wow. Shit’s deep in here.

I am learning about all the new parts of me. Perhaps they’re not actually new, perhaps they are just now rising to the surface for the first time in my thirty-eight years. Bringing with them new clarity and grace and joy and the ability to be the authentic and genuine being God put me here to be.